My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
