About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
