Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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