what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
