i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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