I wanna passion pit in your ass
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
