Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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