After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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