New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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