I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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