We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
