so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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