Moan for me like Helen Keller
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
