I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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