Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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