Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
