i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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