I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
