Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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