I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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