It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
