could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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