So drunk, too bad you don't want this
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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