I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
