I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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