carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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