I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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