My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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