Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
