***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
