I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
