p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
