You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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