I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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