I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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