Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
