the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
