so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
