Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
