got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the liver wants what the liver wants
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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