I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
