i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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