Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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