Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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