I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
