first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
