my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
