So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
