I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
