i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
